Ramblings.

- Exercise (zumba and whatnot).
- Pride Parade on Saturday (21st).
- Meeting Nick for coffee on Sunday and maybe go to dinner at his place or something, some other day.
- Help my mom with weeds in the garden (because I just promised her a few minutes ago, lol).
- Finally finish organizing my bedroom and living room and clean them.
- Maybe have Nick for a visit.

It's almost time to go back to work. I go back on Wednesday.
I've exercised as I wanted to and I had the BEST time during Pride Parade! Kirsten and I walked with the Parade from start to finish - 3½ hours of walking and dancing and I ended up pretty drunk by the time we went home but I had an awesome time and I'm doing it again next year, that's for sure.
I didn't meet Nick for coffee because I got drunk at the parade, but then I told him that I couldn't imaging sleeping with him and he didn't want to keep dating me, then.
That's alright with me. Even if I think he could've been good for me, I think he would've had to be as a friend because I just wasn't attracted to him like that.
Yeah, he was sweet and whatnot, but also very, very curious about my economy and whatnot and that made me a bit paranoid, plus the fact that I just couldn't imagine having sex with him.
I'm not completely done with my bedroom and living room, but I'm getting there, lol. I'm so lazy.

It's about time for me to go back to work, though. I'm starting to feel slightly depressed-y and I'm extremely over sensitive and I get so easily hurt if my girl doesn't say what I expect her or reply right away or something and it's just very unfair.
I've just had a few days where I've felt extremely unloved, sad and pathetic and the fact that she's slightly pms-y and whatnot doesn't exactly help the situation.
So yeah...I need to go back to work.

Oh yeah and I saw the video for The Catalyst...and it made me like the song a bit more.
Seriously, the video is AWESOME and so beautiful and I'm a little bit obsessed with it, though I really don't want to be.
Yes, that's completely lame and very childish but it just annoys me a little bit that the song, I found to be seriously annoying, repetitive and so beneath my boys' talents, started growing on me, the second that I saw Mr. Hahn's (whom I really don't like as a person..the person we know, anyway) video for it. I guess that only says good things about Joe because he really is a good director..but yeah.
I still think the lyrics are repetitive and annoying, but they seem so much more bearable when I watch the video and I don't know if it's the song growing on me or if it's because of Mike and Chester's insane hotness, because let me tell you....THEY ARE FUCKING HOT!!!!!
Yeah, I don't care about the rest of the band's participation in the video (s), but those two are fucking hot.

Three weeks later....

So I've been living in my co-worker's apartment for the past three weeks and it's been an experience.
First of all; everyone who knows me, knows that I'm not one who cleans and vacuums and whatnot every week or even every month. But entering this apartment was mind blowing. Especially, because my co-worker was -really- excited and said 'can you tell that I've cleaned like crazy for you?'. I couldn't. Not at all. In fact it looks like she hasn't cleaned in years.
I'm not bullshitting you. The first thing I did, was vacuum the entire (tiny, one bedroom) apartment, just so I didn't have to wear shoes inside.
I also washed some of the windows...though only on the outside and I'm telling you...the water was brown. Seriously; dark brown like my natural hair color. It was gross.
Not only that, but the first time I had to shower, I had to continuously move the shower head around just to get wet. Water wasn't pouring down, but more like to all sides from the shower head. So that caused me to soak it in vinegar for 24 hours or so. That helped.
I didn't take anything out of any cabinet in the kitchen and use it, before washing it. Everything is so dirty, man.
Seriously, this co-worker claims to have dust allergies. Well, I'm claiming that she can stuff that up her ass because anyone who can live in all of this filth, does not have dust allergies. Not even dust intolerant. Seriously, it's gross.

Then there's the tale of the hot water...or lack of same...well, lack of pressure, anyway. Seriously, I can't wait to go home to take a REAL shower, where there's actually pressure on the water.
Here, it's like...you turn on the hot water and then barely touch the cold one...and the water seriously looks like it can't really be bothered coming out of the tap/shower head, but if you insist...
I could not live like this every day, all the time. I would go crazy!

So why did I stay for 3 weeks? Because both me and my parents needed it. We needed the space. Now...I can't wait to go home on Monday morning. I told my mom to pick me up at 9am, simply because I. WANT. TO. GO. HOME!

I can't say that I'll never stay here again, because it's been nice with a break, but I'll still be amazed how someone can live in a place this filthy. It seriously boggles my mind.

....my laptop needs to be dusted, as well, lol.

Random thoughts.

- Our house is not for sale anymore. The bank wouldn't accept the new price. I don't blame them because we would lose A LOT of money and I prefer to get out of it with a big, fat ZERO on the bottom line or maybe even with money.

- My mom was pretty crushed that the bank said no, so now she's getting a kitten, instead, lol.

- I'm currently living in the apartment of a co-worker and will be until the 19th. It's awesome to be alone again, but also a bit difficult because I have to fight my own head again. I love being on my own, but I have to fight my own thoughts a lot and I'm not always successful.

- I did a thing I never thought I'd do; I asked my girlfriend to stop following and block the person I mentioned in my previous post. It's a bit naive, I know...because in all reality (no blame, just realism), they could be talking on AIM, MSN and Yahoo, not to mention pretty much everywhere else and I would never know. But I'm trying not to focus on that and just be grateful that my girlfriend actually did this for me, because it's a very big deal for me and means the world. Maybe it's just me, but it's also left a bit of awkwardness between us. I think I'm more needy than normal and maybe she's getting a bit sick of that because she doesn't seem to be. So I'm trying to back off a little and not be a drama queen when I don't get BB messages in the morning and whatnot. I don't know, like I said; I need to fight my own head a little bit because my brain can seriously come up with a lot of bullshit and I can't allow it to take over. The fact that I asked her to unfollow and block was more than enough and the rest...well, I just have to fucking deal with it and stop being so dramatic. If I don't, it'll drive us apart and I don't want to lose my best friend.

- Linkin Park is releasing their new album 'A Thousand Suns' on September 14th and for a while, I was very 'meh' about it. Didn't really give a damn, to be honest and it was depressing the fuck out of me, no bullshit. This is my favorite band, we're talking about!! I should be jumping around like a mad person that they're finally releasing another album! And yet, I was like 'Oh, September 14th? Okay.' and that was it. It was doing my head in and even more so because my best friend was really excited and couldn't really say anything to make me feel better. It got to a point where I almost got angry at her for being excited. Yes, I'm weird. Then we talked a bit back and forth and I listened to the song from their game (which I still find to be a lame idea, by the way), 'Blackbirds' and it's just...maybe it was because of my mood, but I'm not sure...a very depressing song.
Chester's voice was amazing and it became clear to me that I don't listen to them enough, when I can forget how amazing Mr. Bennington's voice really is.
Then we listened to New Divide and it put a smile on my face instantly. I'd forgotten how much I loved that song. So I promised myself that I would listen to a lot more LP over my days off and generally in my life and as I listen to Points Of Authority from Live in Texas, right now, I'm finding my love for the boys again and I'm sure that I'll be super excited by the time the album is out.
I'm not going to go to their show unless they add a date in Copenhagen, though. I've been to two shows and they're awesome, I should be willing to ride my bike to Jutland to attend, but honestly...I promised I'd take Kirsten, but I can't really wrap my brain around going to Jutland with her. She's too distracted and does everything at the last moment and that pisses me off and I don't want to be pissed off at a LP show.
I can live without going to their show, if I'm honest.

- Things at work are sucky. For the first time, I'm actually enjoying to be working with temps and there's only one reason for that; when I work with temps, I'm sure that I'll get to stay on my own floor.
I talked to my boss about this and told her that I can feel that I'll go down with stress, if we don't do something about it. I spent two days with stomach ache and barely sleeping, before I had to go to work and realized that I had to do something about it or I'll break.
That caused her to mention that maybe we should all be introduced to the other two 'departments', so we had a better knowledge of how things are there, which I think would be awesome.
Not because I'm jumping in excitement about having to work other departments than my own, but if I -have to-, then I want to know what the fuck I'm doing and not just go by instinct.
Of course, some of my co-workers thinks it's a horrible idea because they really don't want to work anything but their own department and the only comment I had to their 'I don't want to do that!!', was 'well, then come up with a different suggestion.' and that shut them up.
We'll talk about this in the fall and see if we can figure out a solution. In the meantime, I'm seriously considering finding a different job, to be honest. Only time will tell what will happen.

Bitching

So I’m very annoyed these days. My mom is annoying the crap out of me with all her illness and shit, man.

Yeah, she was told that she needs a new hip. I get that, that’s fair enough and I know she’s in pain and has been for a long time, now. But suddenly, after she was told that she needs a new hip….the pain is soooooo much worse and almost unbearable? I know it hurts, but come on. It can’t magically become worse after five minutes of talking to your doctor.

I don’t know. I work as a social health care worker and to be honest, I get enough illness when I’m at work and I’m just sick of hearing about people and whatever illnesses they have. I don’t need it when I get home and I don’t need people to ramble on and on.

Yeah, I talk about it, too, if I have some sort of disorder or sickness. Whatever…but my mom pretty much makes it into a contest or so it feels and it drives me up the walls.

I can’t wait to get my own place and then I don’t have to feel like I’m at work all the time. Enough with the sick people, already! Find something else to focus on, man!

And yes, this also means that I have a couple of people on Twitter that are driving me mad. Not because of their rambling about illnesses or anything like that, but because of their endless hyper moods, man and their excessive tweeting about Mike Shinoda and how awesome he is.

Yes, thank you. We are fans too and we know how awesome the man is. Doesn’t mean that we have the need to randomly tweet his name all the time.

It -is- possible to be a fan without going on and on about whomever you’re a fan of, you know.

Okay, one of these people, I actually have no trouble un-following because we don’t really talk or whatever…and I don’t really care about her, to be honest and I know that she doesn‘t care about me, even if she‘ll deny it in the name of being nice and oh-so-fucking-positive.

But the other one…even if we’re not close friends…I do consider her a friend…or acquaintance, at least and she’s actually a sweet girl who never did anything to me….except from being insanely hyper and overly obsessed with Mike Shinoda.

Knowing me, I’ll probably end up getting so annoyed that I’ll un-follow both of them and I know that’s okay. I have no problem with people un-following me or anything, but it just kind of sucks when you’ve enjoyed following someone for a while and then that just stops.

And I lost someone, I thought was a friend, today. Brian. I don’t know why I thought he was a friend, though. He’s always been sarcastic and semi-nasty to me ever since I got on SOY. I guess, he and Kerrie are more perfect for each other than I originally thought, huh?


Anyway, we were having an amusing discussion about movies today and trust me…we do not like the same movies -at all-, but it was all fun and games.

He was making some comment about me liking Transformers so I shouldn’t be allowed to have an opinion on movies in the first place and it was all fun and games. I commented on Donnie Darko, which I hate and this Bobby person made some comment about holding his tongue so he wouldn’t comment on that and everything just escalated from there, ending up with Brian saying that I deleted him from my Facebook (which I did, yes) and if the others had anyone seen anyone be that sensitive about Transformers.

Yes, I know that was just Brian being Brian again, but seriously…it just fucking hurt. And like I said to Brian on Twitter a few minutes ago; it may not have meant anything to me tomorrow, but today it hurt.

I’ve always liked Brian a lot. Maybe more than I should have, even, but his inability to be serious…or maybe my inability to tell when he’s serious and when he’s not, has always been difficult for me. And I’ve always despised him when he was busy ‘being cute’ or whatthefuckever they wanted to call it, with Kerrie.

Today, I just had enough. Yeah, he and Bobby may not have meant it in a bad way or tried to hurt my feelings, but the fact that they continued to mock me after I removed myself from the discussion only makes me think that he’s lying through his teeth when he says they weren’t being malicious.

Maybe his interpretation of ‘malicious’ and mine just aren’t the same, huh?

Good news.

We got the bill for the rat/sewer damage/repair and it's awesome. The total bill was at a good $12.000, but we only have to pay a good $500.
Now, I'm assuming that since it says 'For damage number xxxxxx, you have to pay, IN TOTAL', we won't get another bill, even if my mom was a little pessimistic at first.
I can't say how happy it made me, man. This means that I won't have to spend all of my money on that bill and that I might even get to buy myself a moped, so I won't have to take the bus all the time.
Yeah, those money were for my trip to the states and I don't plan on spending them all, but seeing as my trip has been postponed, anyway, I figured that I might as well spend some of it to make my day-to-day life a little bit easier.
I will keep saving up, as much as I can and seeing as I'm quitting smoking again around new years, there will be some money to save, there.
I haven't given up on going to see Nat. Far from it. And even though I was horribly sad that I had to cave in and say that I couldn't make it 'til May, next year, I have accepted the fact that I really don't want to go and having to watch what I spend my money on. I wanna be able to go and just do whatever I feel like, get my ink and whatnot and so I had to postpone it.
But I do still plan on going to Memphis and meet my best friend. I just don't know when I'll go.

Ohhh the drama of it all!

Our sewers are fixed! How fucking great is that? We only need to do some cement thing and we're DONE!
Of course, then there's the bill and that's probably gonna be scary as fuck, but at least we have no more rats.

I've been sick since tuesday. My back got fucked up when I was helping Frank dig out for the sewer.
It turns out it's my sciatias that's fucked and now I'm seeing a physical therapist, doing exercises and whatnot.
I have a course on wednesday, thursday and friday (during the day from like 9am til 3pm) and I'm hoping that I'll be able to go to that because it's really a good, good thing, so I can stop making all those wrong movements.

I still need to talk to Kate about when she'll be in London, so I can try and see if I can fly over to meet her.
I can't believe that she's been my online friend for around 8 years. It's a little bit crazy.

Which actually brings me to something funny that happened last night. Only proves to me that people care way too much about the whole online thing.
Talinda was tweeting some of her flaky shit about people not being as nice as they claim or whatever and I said 'Oh please spare me the pocket psychology' or something like that.
...and Trixi went off. I was like...what the fuck? I wasn't talking about you! The world does NOT revolve around you, for crying out loud!
Anyway, I decided to unfollow her because I've been sick of her 'OMG, Chester Bennington is SOOOOOO fucking awesome and beautiful and smart and talented! TEAM BENNINGTON!!! YAY!!! Ryan Shuck is like THE most beautiful and smart man on the face of the fucking planet!! And Amir is like sooooo amazing and I just wanna fucking die over him!!' kinda tweets for a while now.
Then she went on rambling about how she doesn't care that I unfollow her (which is complete bullshit, because if she didn't, she wouldn't even have confronted me about it) but that I should've been honest with her and told her that her tweets were pissing me off.
Sure, darling. 'Yes, could you please stop being such a fucking annoying fangirl, because it's doing my head in.'
Don't think so, right? I have no right to ask people to stop tweeting this or that and nor would I want to.
I'd go ballistic if someone told me something like that and tell them to fuck off, if they don't like it, so I'd never do something like that.
But she kept on rambling about how I should've been honest with her and then I was.
God, it went on and on and I was just yawning through the whole thing and chuckling every now and then, too, if I'm honest.
I don't get why people get so worked up over something like that, man. It's just a name on a screen and it just...shouldn't matter.
Then later on, one of her so called friends (who's 34, married with kids, by the way and should have more important things going on than some lame drama on Twitter) freaked out because I blocked her.
I never spoke with her. She followed me and I blocked her, because I didn't want her to.
It's my prerogative to block or unfollow anyone I please and everyone else has the same prerogative.
And all of this...because I commented on Talinda's tweet, lol.
But yeah, it was amusing, while it lasted but now...we move on. To me, this is over and done with and it really wasn't life-altering in any way.

Today..I ought to go in and sell bottles and stuff, but it's saturday and people are fucking crazy on saturday mornings, when shopping.
Yeah, think I'm gonna do that on monday when I go see grandpa, anyway.
I have some laundry to take care of and I might just dye my hair, simply because I'm getting dark roots and I hate that.
I think I wanna change my layout, too. This pink, girly shit is pissing me off and I need to change it.
And now...I'm hungry and better get out of bed, I guess.

....what does that have to do with muffins?

So.. starting off with what every Linkin Park fan has been spazzing about the last 24 hours: the first pictures of Mike Shinoda's kid was finally published.
I'm so happy for Mike and Anna and I salute them for keeping it a secret that Anna was pregnant and gave birth, because even if rumors have been up around the internet, nothing has been for sure, until the pictures from Glorious Excess (Dies) was published and the kid doesn't exactly look like a new-born.
The only thing bothering me (even if it's absolutely none of my business, whatsoever), is the name. Seriously, Mike? Otis Shinoda?
I'm so hoping that there's a deeper meaning behind that name, because honestly? It's a dog's name, not to mention it reminds me of that fat dude, working for Lex Luthor in the original Superman movies.
It's just another addition to the long list of celebrities naming their kids something horrible, even if it's not as bad as Apple or Moses or whatever. It's just a bad name, man. Not to mention that when you pronounce it, it sounds like Otishinoda, unless you actually pause between the first and the last name.
Don't get me wrong; the kid is cute and all (big, though, huh?)and I couldn't be happier that Mr. Shinoda is finally a daddy and not just 'uncle Mike', but the name is just bad, man.

Other than that, we've had the sewer guys out today and thankfully, the damage wasn't -as- bad as we all initially thought, though it was bad enough.
Now, we're awaiting the 'judgment' from the insurance, to hear how much of it, they'll pay for.
Of course, we'd like for them to cover it all, but sadly, there's this 30 year rule that prevents them from doing that.
So for now, because of this uncertainty about the money issue, my trip to the states have been put on hold, for the time being, simply because I might have to use some of the money, I saved up to help pay for this crap.
This makes me incredibly sad, because I was really looking forward to that trip. But, I have to keep Nat's words in mind that 'just because we have to postpone it, doesn't mean it won't happen, at all', because that is true; I -am- going to the states at some point, but it might not happen in May, next year.
Of course, I'm already stressing out and overthinking everything; that maybe I'll just go two weeks later in the year, so there'll be a week in Memphis and maybe a week in Tempe.
But I don't know what will happen yet, so I have to remain calm and just accept that it's on hold for now.

Next week, we're starting the 'experiment' of us getting to work at 2pm, every now and then and frankly, I can't wait to see how that goes.
It means that I'll take the bus at 12.30pm, but that I'll leave work at 10pm and be home by the time, I normally get out, so I'm sure, I'll be excited about that.
I'll have to get to work at 2, every thursday and every other weekend that I'm working.

So my life... is pretty weird right now, or so it seems to me, anyway and the fact that I can't really turn off my brain, except when asleep, is driving me a little nuts, but thankfully I can just turn on my computer and I start focusing on other things, for a little while, at least.