New Years Resolutions.

I don't like them, at all. Like one of my friends said, it's people making promises they can't keep or setting goals, they'll never do anything to accomplish.
Mine aren't so much resolutions as they are changes, I'd make anyway. And one of them won't even start at midnight, anyway.
The first thing, I'm gonna change is the fact that I'm smoking again and have been since August.
I'm gonna quit and stick to it, this time. I lasted 3 months, last time so of course I can do it.
Now, I still have some smokes left and because I'm weird, I won't quit until I've smoked them all, which will probably be this weekend or the start of next week.
I'll also try and see if I can go swimming each tuesday night. Just 10 lanes...which will drain me completely, but I'll take breaks in between lanes, so it'll be fine.
Why swimming? Because it's the only sport that won't fuck up my knees but actually strengthen them and it's the only sport where you use pretty much every muscle in your body.
So basically, I plan on not smoking in 2010 and I plan on losing more weight.
But today is NYE and I plan on stuffing my face like a pig and smoking like a chimney, lol.
Now, the reason why I won't call these two things resolutions, is because I don't want to be kicking myself, if I miss swimming on a tuesday.
The smoking is an entirely different thing, altogether because...not only will I kick myself into sticking with it, but I also plan on my friends supporting me and reminding me of my mother's lung disease and how much money I'll be saving and how well my breathing will become.
I've done it before, I can do it again. I need to do it again.
I'm actually already starting to change my mental attitude towards my smoking, thinking that it's gross and how nice it'll be, when I don't have to go out into the freezing weather, during work, to smoke, not to mention that it's gonna feel so good, when I stop coughing and feeling like I can't breathe properly.
I have confidence. I can do this again.

As for a NYE post, I really don't want to look back over 2009 because...not because it's been a particularly crappy year, because I guess it's pretty much been a year like most others; some good things and some bad things, but more because...why look back on it, when there's a new year starting in 13 hours and I get to start over and make this a great year?
Okay, I'm starting to sound like Sam, but seriously...more positivity would be nice.
I'm sick of hearing about people being oh so depressed and wanting to kill themselves or whatever.
Yes, I get that things are tough and some of my friends have been going through some -really- tough times and I feel for them, I really do and hope that they'll be okay soon.
But there's a difference to going through some rough times, which we all get in different ways...and being depressed.
You're not necessarily depressed because you're having a rough time and feel down for a while.
Most of us are stronger than we think and even if bad things happen...and they do...life goes on, whether we want it to or not and at some point, we gotta get back on the carousel, because it's not gonna stop just because we want it to.
So I'm gonna try and see the positives in things, more than the negatives. I'm not saying that I'll be a happy ball of fluff, all the time or overly positive like Sam, because that would probably make myself vomit because we all need to have times where we just curl up into a ball and go 'this sucks! No, there's NOTHING positive about this, it just sucks and I hate the world!'. That's fine, as long as it's not for months on end or something...at some point we gotta poke our heads out and realize that nothing is so bad, it's not good for something.
I also really hope that someone will buy my house in 2010, so I can get out of here and on with my life.
I hope that me and my mother can keep this positive tone we have between us, which we've had for a couple of months now. It's nice and it's fun and...yeah, it just makes me feel good.
I hope that I get to go to the states, even if it won't happen in May. Maybe two weeks during my summer vacation in august or something? I really don't know what will happen, but no one can take my hope away.

I think that's pretty much it. Happy New Year!