Update.

Okay, so I haven't smoked since January 3rd. That's 10 days. I'm pretty proud of that, even if it's not 3 months yet.
During the day, I'm not really suffering that much. I'm doing fine...but after dinner (on my days off)...goddamn, I want to smoke.
And it's crazy because I pretty much have to stay away from my parents because their cigarette smoke really, really bother me, so it's not that I miss the smoke, per se.
It's basically a mental thing and I keep my hands busy by knitting, playing Napoleon, talking to Nat and Tweeting (Twittering? Whatever.) and I keep telling myself that I shall not smoke, that I will not smoke, that it's disgusting and that I don't need it.

Today, I had a meltdown. An actual meltdown, where I cried and everything, which happens very, very rarely.
I'm just not a person who cries a lot. But today, I was trying to change my layout on my blog and something snapped inside my head and I just broke down and cried.
I couldn't figure out how to use a template thing and it just frustrated me to no end.
I ended up having Nat do it for me, which only made me feel even more stupid and I cried even more.
She managed to calm me down and get me to stop crying...and then I watched Ghost Whisperer and cried at the ending.
I was like WTF?! I don't cry. I don't do crying. And yet, all I wanted was to have an hour or so where I just cried my eyes out.
But of course, the inner...whatever it is that I have, blocked it all and my crying stopped.
Maybe I was just oversensitive, but it was just crazy. And after Nat worked on my layout and made it so prettyful (because I really do think that it is), she asked me if I liked it and by that time, I was crying even harder and just wanted to be a child and say 'No, I don't like it at all! Change it back to the way it was!!', when in fact that would be a complete lie, because I really do like it.
Of course, I didn't say that because I was giving her enough shit, even if I wasn't even angry with her and that probably made it so that I didn't hurt her feelings after all the work she did for me, which I really do appreciate.