Life update.

Wow, a lot has been happening and going on the last few weeks or so.
Last thursday (29th of october), my mom calls me right after I've gotten up and tells me to get to my grandpa because they all think he's gonna die real soon.
So I get dressed, call work and take the bus to meet her on the station in Frederikssund 45 minutes later and we go to Farum to see grandpa.
And man, he looks bad. His breathing is shallow and he can barely talk, but just grunt a little.
I sit there, holding his hand while the rest of the family pours in through the door and I decide that I'm gonna spend the night, which means that I sleep 3 hours because the bed I'm sleeping in, is so horrible.
On friday morning (at 6.30, after having slept since around 2 and having been up several times during those hours), grandpa looks up at me and says 'guess, it wasn't gonna happen tonight, then, huh?'.
Anyway, we go back home and figure that the nursing home will call us when they think it's time.
And they do. Sunday afternoon. My mom and Frank have just been down to see grandpa and they had just walked through the door, when they call from the nursing home.
Of course, we leave immediately and grandpa passed away at 5.17pm on sunday, November 1st, 2009.
RIP Grandpa.
On monday, I went to my checkup, which was alright and not as bad as I'd expected.
On thursday was the memorial service for grandpa and it was alright, actually. I always feel a tiny bit more Christian, when I'm at a church, all the while I'm thinking 'get me out of here, this is ridiculous'. Yes, it's a very weird thing.
Friday and saturday were pretty stressful as we had to get the house ready for my mom and Frank's anniversary on sunday. Breakfast at 8am.
That went well and we ate like pigs and had a good time, even if I was up at 7am, lol.

Monday, I went to get my H1N1 shot, part one and by now, my arm feels like someone hit me with a bat on it and it's red and swollen.
I will get the second part on the 30.

Yesterday was just...kinda blah, if I'm honest. First, I had a...thing with my co-writer, asking why she wasn't replying to our RPG and that just escalated into something..very strange.
She made me feel inconsiderate and bitchy, which she pretty much always does when we have these...things.
I think it pretty much boils down to her and I being very different people and having trouble dealing with that. At some point I just stopped replying to the letters, simply because I knew that I'd go nasty on her, if I didn't and there was no reason for that.
She's got a ton of issues and I probably do, as well and honestly, I just couldn't be bothered, anymore. This had been going on most of the day and it really did affect me a lot. Made me frustrated and hurt, so I figured it was better to just leave it.
Then later, I talked to another friend...and I have to admit that I do have a major crush on her.
She lost a good friend and even though I knew it'd be hard for me to hear about, because I've always been horribly jealous of said friend, I talked to her about it. Or listened, rather.
I was going nuts, man. My friend kept saying things that made the fucking green monster in my head think that what they had was more than friendship, even if her friend has a girlfriend, who was the cause for the break.
I kept going over conversations that I've had with my friend, where she was complaining a bit over her friend (and yes, we all do that from time to time, I know that) and it just felt like all of that were lies to make me calm down and stop being jealous. Then I felt guilty for doubting my friend, just to go right back to feeling jealous.
Seriously, I was driving myself nuts, to the point where I just wanted to cry.
But yeah, I listened...and then I went to bed, knowing that I was gonna have a hard time falling asleep, because my brain just wouldn't turn off and stop going over everything and picking it apart to find something that would justify my jealousy.
At some point, I made a comment on Twitter about it, simply to try and get it out of my brain...and a minute later, I got a text from my friend, telling me that I had nothing to worry about and stuff like that.
Made me smile again and we spend like half an hour, texting.
I know that my friend and I have talked about this 'till we turned blue in the face, man and I know that we're trying to keep it real, but somehow I think my friend is a lot better at that, than I am.
And she claims that she's got the green monster, as well but that she's just much better at hiding it. Sometimes, I wish she wasn't, you know?
I know, how it feels to lose a friend and I know it hurts and I know I have to get over myself and be a friend to her and I will.
I will listen, be a friend and try to hide the fact that I'm driving myself nuts, even if she knows anyway.
I'm still feeling a bit insecure and overthinking stuff, but I'm sure that once I get to work, I'll get my mind off things and feel better when I get home.
Truth is..I love her a lot. Yeah, I know some of it, is probably a fantasy we're having and we've talked about that, but even so..she's my best friend and it'd crush me to lose her.
Yes, I know...I'm being pessimistic, paranoid and jealous and I shouldn't. It's not like I can do anything, even if I'm meant to lose her, so I shouldn't even worry about it, unless it becomes relevant.
No matter what..it's my job to be a friend to her and I wasn't a very good one, last night. I promise, I'll do better because she's always there for me, when I need to vent and I will be there for her, as well.
I mean, *shrug* I love her...of course, I'll be there.

Late shift today, which I hate...and only two days of work. I'll be fine. I just need to get my mind off things and get over myself.