Ranting and obsessing.

I've spend the past week (mostly days off, of course), having a cold. Isn't that awesome? Me..I never get sick...never.
And I end up with a cold that pretty much felt like it was about to take me down. I forget how awful it feels to be sick and then when I do get sick like...once a year or whatever, I feel like I'm on the brink of death.
Now, I've called in sick yesterday and today, simply because I didn't feel 100%. Right now...I still don't. My nose is stuffy and my neck is sore, but I still think that I'm gonna go to work tomorrow.
Simply because it drives me a little crazy when I stay home for too long and I start obsessing about things...tiny, little, itty bitty things that should not be that big of a deal.
Like the following.

I become sad when I feel like I'm left out. Even with small things like a headache or whatever. It saddens me that it doesn't seem important enough to tell me...or that I'm not important enough to tell.
I hate it, but it disappoints me to no end, when there's not a message there in the morning. I kinda feel like I just don't matter.
I definitely feel disconnected and I don't think it's just about ATS, either. Maybe it's the age difference setting in?
That scares the crap out of me, to be honest. Mostly because I don't want it to. God, I'm so co-dependent and it bugs the hell out of me.

And I really don't care all that much about Linkin Park, anymore, either. I see all these sites put up interviews and whatnot on Twitter...and I just ignore it and sometimes get a little bit annoyed because I just don't care.
It's not that I don't want to watch the boys being interviewed, but I think that if I hear one more time that ATS is suuuuuuch an amazing album or how awesome the boys are for going out of their comfort zone or whatever, I think I might cry tears of frustration.
People are definitely entitled to their opinion and all and I respect that...but man, it just gets a little old when you've heard how fucking brilliant it is and how amazing and yada yada yada, for the millionth time, especially when you don't feel the same about it.
I've only listened to the damned thing twice, but honestly....I really don't have the urge to listen to it again.
I will, but I really don't feel like doing it. And I know I'm gonna skip a lot. Mike may say that you have to listen to the album from start to finish and bla bla, but honestly...I just can't be bothered and I tried that already and it just didn't do anything for me...at all. I was just waiting for it to be over, already.
All the non-songs are bugging the crap out of me and I know I'll skip them...much like Give Me Your Name by DBS, I probably won't give them a third listen, at all.
It bothers me that I -know- that there are A LOT of things that I'm not told or that is changed to be something safe, like on that horrible video from the other day.
I don't understand that. Yeah, I do it when my reply seems too bitchy or whatever but other than that...what's the worst that can happen? That you're honest and figure out that the world didn't implode.
It makes me sad, when people refer to me as a friend or sometimes, even best friend and still don't share things with me. I get that some things may seem to be/are irrelevant or just those every day things that don't seem important...but personal things...are you not supposed to share those with your best friend? I thought so.

Ramblings.

- Exercise (zumba and whatnot).
- Pride Parade on Saturday (21st).
- Meeting Nick for coffee on Sunday and maybe go to dinner at his place or something, some other day.
- Help my mom with weeds in the garden (because I just promised her a few minutes ago, lol).
- Finally finish organizing my bedroom and living room and clean them.
- Maybe have Nick for a visit.

It's almost time to go back to work. I go back on Wednesday.
I've exercised as I wanted to and I had the BEST time during Pride Parade! Kirsten and I walked with the Parade from start to finish - 3½ hours of walking and dancing and I ended up pretty drunk by the time we went home but I had an awesome time and I'm doing it again next year, that's for sure.
I didn't meet Nick for coffee because I got drunk at the parade, but then I told him that I couldn't imaging sleeping with him and he didn't want to keep dating me, then.
That's alright with me. Even if I think he could've been good for me, I think he would've had to be as a friend because I just wasn't attracted to him like that.
Yeah, he was sweet and whatnot, but also very, very curious about my economy and whatnot and that made me a bit paranoid, plus the fact that I just couldn't imagine having sex with him.
I'm not completely done with my bedroom and living room, but I'm getting there, lol. I'm so lazy.

It's about time for me to go back to work, though. I'm starting to feel slightly depressed-y and I'm extremely over sensitive and I get so easily hurt if my girl doesn't say what I expect her or reply right away or something and it's just very unfair.
I've just had a few days where I've felt extremely unloved, sad and pathetic and the fact that she's slightly pms-y and whatnot doesn't exactly help the situation.
So yeah...I need to go back to work.

Oh yeah and I saw the video for The Catalyst...and it made me like the song a bit more.
Seriously, the video is AWESOME and so beautiful and I'm a little bit obsessed with it, though I really don't want to be.
Yes, that's completely lame and very childish but it just annoys me a little bit that the song, I found to be seriously annoying, repetitive and so beneath my boys' talents, started growing on me, the second that I saw Mr. Hahn's (whom I really don't like as a person..the person we know, anyway) video for it. I guess that only says good things about Joe because he really is a good director..but yeah.
I still think the lyrics are repetitive and annoying, but they seem so much more bearable when I watch the video and I don't know if it's the song growing on me or if it's because of Mike and Chester's insane hotness, because let me tell you....THEY ARE FUCKING HOT!!!!!
Yeah, I don't care about the rest of the band's participation in the video (s), but those two are fucking hot.

The Catalyst.

Linkin Park's new single, The Catalyst, was released on Monday. Well, make that Monday night, here.
I was so excited, finally feeling that old LP excitement and love. Until I heard the song.

Now, everything is a matter of taste and just to prevent people from screaming at me in the comments, saying that I'm dissing LP and whatever else kind of bullshit, so called 'real' fans can come up with, I'm gonna say that the following is MY opinion of the song.

I find The Catalyst to be the worst LP song, I've ever heard...well, I guess it's right there with Reanimation, Wake and Session (no, I didn't like those either, because contrary to popular belief, I don't have to like every fucking thing that Linkin Park does, to call myself a fan.).
I don't like electronic music and this is very much electronic, borderline techno, if you ask me and I just think it's horrible.
I think the music drowns out Mike and Chester's voice, that sound weird, anyway but that might just be how it's sampled or whatever and I find the lyrics to be repetitive and very annoying.
I won't say that I was disappointed in The Catalyst because I honestly didn't really have any expectations, but I just really don't like it.
Now, I have pre-ordered the album A Thousand Suns and I'm really hoping that the rest of the songs will be something that I can stand listening to.
If not, I'm gonna have to break up with the current Linkin Park, for the time being.

I'm not one of those fanatic fans, who thinks that I should just worship anything and everything the band and each of its members do, but I have had my share of panic attacks about not feeling excited about the album.
Not anymore, though. I've grown up in the past two years and I'm not the same obsessive-must-travel-to-Germany-to-see-LP-live kinda girl, anymore.
I'm not going to their show, here, either. I just can't be bothered to travel to the other side of the (TINY!!) country, to see them.
I may not like this album, but if they decide to make another, maybe I'll like that one and if not...I'm pretty damn sure that the world won't swallow me whole.
It took me a while to warm up to Fort Minor and there are still some songs that I think are lame and horrible. Same goes with DBS, though that type of music is probably more in my area than Fort Minor ever was.
My point is this...I've been a hardcore fan of Linkin Park's since 2002 or something like that, I have 3 tattoos with their songs and I have practically every CD and DVD (aside from Reanimation which I sent to Singapore), they've ever made.
I consider myself a lifetime fan of their three first albums, no matter what I think of this one and I'll be forever branded as theirs, no matter what happens, lol.

Respect to the guys for making something so different with The Catalyst. I don't find it to be genius and I prefer not to be subjected to it, but I still respect the boys for making it.

Random thoughts.

- Our house is not for sale anymore. The bank wouldn't accept the new price. I don't blame them because we would lose A LOT of money and I prefer to get out of it with a big, fat ZERO on the bottom line or maybe even with money.

- My mom was pretty crushed that the bank said no, so now she's getting a kitten, instead, lol.

- I'm currently living in the apartment of a co-worker and will be until the 19th. It's awesome to be alone again, but also a bit difficult because I have to fight my own head again. I love being on my own, but I have to fight my own thoughts a lot and I'm not always successful.

- I did a thing I never thought I'd do; I asked my girlfriend to stop following and block the person I mentioned in my previous post. It's a bit naive, I know...because in all reality (no blame, just realism), they could be talking on AIM, MSN and Yahoo, not to mention pretty much everywhere else and I would never know. But I'm trying not to focus on that and just be grateful that my girlfriend actually did this for me, because it's a very big deal for me and means the world. Maybe it's just me, but it's also left a bit of awkwardness between us. I think I'm more needy than normal and maybe she's getting a bit sick of that because she doesn't seem to be. So I'm trying to back off a little and not be a drama queen when I don't get BB messages in the morning and whatnot. I don't know, like I said; I need to fight my own head a little bit because my brain can seriously come up with a lot of bullshit and I can't allow it to take over. The fact that I asked her to unfollow and block was more than enough and the rest...well, I just have to fucking deal with it and stop being so dramatic. If I don't, it'll drive us apart and I don't want to lose my best friend.

- Linkin Park is releasing their new album 'A Thousand Suns' on September 14th and for a while, I was very 'meh' about it. Didn't really give a damn, to be honest and it was depressing the fuck out of me, no bullshit. This is my favorite band, we're talking about!! I should be jumping around like a mad person that they're finally releasing another album! And yet, I was like 'Oh, September 14th? Okay.' and that was it. It was doing my head in and even more so because my best friend was really excited and couldn't really say anything to make me feel better. It got to a point where I almost got angry at her for being excited. Yes, I'm weird. Then we talked a bit back and forth and I listened to the song from their game (which I still find to be a lame idea, by the way), 'Blackbirds' and it's just...maybe it was because of my mood, but I'm not sure...a very depressing song.
Chester's voice was amazing and it became clear to me that I don't listen to them enough, when I can forget how amazing Mr. Bennington's voice really is.
Then we listened to New Divide and it put a smile on my face instantly. I'd forgotten how much I loved that song. So I promised myself that I would listen to a lot more LP over my days off and generally in my life and as I listen to Points Of Authority from Live in Texas, right now, I'm finding my love for the boys again and I'm sure that I'll be super excited by the time the album is out.
I'm not going to go to their show unless they add a date in Copenhagen, though. I've been to two shows and they're awesome, I should be willing to ride my bike to Jutland to attend, but honestly...I promised I'd take Kirsten, but I can't really wrap my brain around going to Jutland with her. She's too distracted and does everything at the last moment and that pisses me off and I don't want to be pissed off at a LP show.
I can live without going to their show, if I'm honest.

- Things at work are sucky. For the first time, I'm actually enjoying to be working with temps and there's only one reason for that; when I work with temps, I'm sure that I'll get to stay on my own floor.
I talked to my boss about this and told her that I can feel that I'll go down with stress, if we don't do something about it. I spent two days with stomach ache and barely sleeping, before I had to go to work and realized that I had to do something about it or I'll break.
That caused her to mention that maybe we should all be introduced to the other two 'departments', so we had a better knowledge of how things are there, which I think would be awesome.
Not because I'm jumping in excitement about having to work other departments than my own, but if I -have to-, then I want to know what the fuck I'm doing and not just go by instinct.
Of course, some of my co-workers thinks it's a horrible idea because they really don't want to work anything but their own department and the only comment I had to their 'I don't want to do that!!', was 'well, then come up with a different suggestion.' and that shut them up.
We'll talk about this in the fall and see if we can figure out a solution. In the meantime, I'm seriously considering finding a different job, to be honest. Only time will tell what will happen.